我想起我的一個朋友。我們關係很親近，當然是有connection的，我們用言語讚美、肢體接觸、提供服務、高質量的相處時間、分享信息所有的方式來表達情感，但是我們之前就一直是朋友，從來沒有理不清的關係。後來，有一次我們一起去Napa玩，午餐結束我低頭拿錢包他就已經付賬了，我心想，He is just being nice. 晚餐我說我來請，他還是堅持他付賬。我就覺得有點奇怪。後來我和另一個朋友提到，我那個朋友說，That's dating. 我說，No, i don't think he has feelings for me. 朋友說，I am telling you, he paid two meals, that's dating. 後來我又問了幾個人，他們全都說，Yeah, that's definitely dating. 因為在美國，男人是不會給女人付賬的，送小禮物或請喝咖啡是會的，如果是答謝什麼的會在吃飯之前就很清楚的說明，謝謝你做了什麼，所以這頓我請客。然後我就很困惑，直接問我的朋友，Were we dating when we were in Napa last time? Because, you know, you bought me lunch and dinner. 我朋友說，Oh, no, I am just trying to know more about you. 我當時心中暗想，Then why the h did you pay for the meals? It's like sending mixed signals! 朋友繼續說，I am just being nice. I always buy meals for my friends. 我問：Isn't that sort of confusing? 朋友說，Yeah, once（我敢百分之百肯定這不僅僅發生一次）I bought a dinner for my cousin, who is a distant relative, then she got confused and asked, do you like me or something? I said, I like you the same way I like my sister. 所以啊，感情表達方式在不同文化和不同情境下的解讀是很不一樣。
在這幾個表達感情的方式裡，高質量的相處時間這一項比其它的都更抽象。英語裡有一句表達感謝的話「Thank you for your time」，我以前每次聽到這句話的時候都覺得很奇怪。謝謝你的時間，我從來沒有對任何一個人說過這樣的話，都是「謝謝你為我做了什麼什麼」。可是，有時候，一個人沒有為你特別做什麼，也沒有特別說什麼，就是把自己的時間放在你身上而已。
